thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
