I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
