I got chris browned last night
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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