so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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