I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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