The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
