His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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