the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
you are never too drunk for berry picking
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
