I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
