who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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