Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I didn't notice because vodka
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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