Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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