just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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