We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
