This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
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