I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
