:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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