Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Randomize
