remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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