Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
