Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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