i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
