Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
