i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
