Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize