Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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