Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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