cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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