my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
