Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
