My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
