Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
