She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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