whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize