Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
