How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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