I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
