I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
