i just had sex bonerless
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
