i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize