chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
