I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
