Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
