But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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