He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
