every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
