it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
