What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
