new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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