shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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