please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
