I can text with my tongue
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
