you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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