I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
