My first STD was from a foam party
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
