I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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