The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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