I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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