I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
