i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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