it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
