i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
